When you are helping your child with homework, maintaining your sanity is the key. The first two strategies are about mindset. The remaining eight are specific ways where you and your child will thrive in the process and not just survive.
- Cry.
Yes. You read it right. Cry. Be patient with me as I explain further. As a parent, stress can be overwhelming especially now that we are in the midst of uncertainty. Sometimes, we try to remain strong and calm for our family that we reach the breaking point.
On the outside, you look fine. Imagine a parent with a roller coaster of emotions deep within and helping a child with homework. Sparks will fly and words may be said that parents will regret.
For example, the child couldn’t understand the concept of subtraction 5-3= 2. The answer the child gave was 3.
For other adults, this is no big deal and continues to help the child. However, the TRIGGERED parent might say:
“ 5 take away 3 is so easy! Why didn’t you get it?! Are you dumb?”
“ That is just plain stupid.”
Other family members upon hearing this will be avoiding you like a plague. They will feel you are like a crocodile about to bite their heads off.
Words were blurted out that you don’t even mean. Your mind is full of doubts, fears, worries, resentment, anger and other matters that you want to overcome. Cry. Release it. You may want to cry on your own or with a family member. Use all the tissue if you have too. It feels good after you cry. The heaviness in your chest is relieved.
On the part of the child, comments like being the dumb and stupid stick in the mind. The danger is, the child might believe it is true.
When was the last time you cried? Release it and let it go. You will feel good. The moment you start feeling better, the better you will be able to think and move on. This too shall pass.
Related post: There is something about crying.
This is essential for your early morning routine. Why? It is because it will set the tone of your day that can affect your relationship with your child. Let me enlighten you more.
Scenario 1:
The alarm clock went off. You woke up. Yay! You are alive! “Thank you, Lord I am alive. Thank you for this brand new day. You feel good.
Guess what? You will go along your day happy. When the time comes you will read with your child, the mood is set and both of you are relaxed and enjoying the moment. It may be easier said than done. However, would you like to be grumpy all the time?
Scenario 2:
The alarm clock went off. You woke up. Yay! You are alive! However, when you opened your eyes, you remembered the:
Driver that cut you off in traffic yesterday. ( so annoying!)
The foolish judgment call you did ( Am I really that unwise?)
The uncertainty of your finances ( When will this end?)
The news that intensifies your fears ( Will I survive?)
The day is just starting and the child can already feel your aura, your vibe. When it is time for helping your child with homework, the kid sees in you the idea of LET’S JUST GET THIS OVER WITH attitude.
- Establish boundaries.
This is significant when creating a schedule for homework. Some children will just need guidance then they can be left on their own. Others really require your presence and have to sit down with them.
Depending on the age of your child, posting images of the tasks to do and when to do it can teach the child about a sense of time. For children who can read, you can write the tasks and time. Brain breaks are essential.
The reason why you need to establish boundaries is because you are teaching your child you also have a schedule and work to do. You need time to send an email, make a business call, cook, do the laundry, drink coffee and other small things that will help make your life easier.
If you are always responsive to the slightest request of your child, you end up frustrated. You cannot finish what you have to do and at the same time the child may feel you are not 100% with them. If there is a schedule, there will no longer be assumptions.
Make time
Money can be earned but time will not come back. I know you are busy because I am a parent too. I understand that. Just remember what your priorities are. Why did you want a family in the first place?
Make time for helping your struggling child. Make the decision to spend 30 minutes to 1 hour of your time to be with him/her if necessary. Life happens and sometimes you cannot do it. It is okay.
However, if not spending time with your child becomes often, your child is missing out on learning with you.
If you made the decision of making time, you will no longer be stressed at all. You already know it beforehand. It is the indecision that gets you confused.
Related post: Why is it important to spend time with family?
- Open your mind.
Online learning became the new normal for school children. As parents who grew up in a school environment using paper and pencil, it is just mind-blowing when you are helping your child with homework ONLINE!
Apps needed to be downloaded. Pictures and videos have to be uploaded. Navigating the menus of the apps and websites had to be learned. No wonder some parents are left dumbfounded!
Rest assured that you are not alone in the struggle. It takes guts to learn something new and going out of one’s comfort zone. Breathe. Learn as much as you can.
Based from my experience, I do not even know the Garageband app. With my son, we sat down together and explored the features of it. We both learned it together. He was able to make his own groovy music and sounds. I was able to create a short one too. Amazing app!
- Ask for help.
We are lucky parents because we are living at a time when information is just right at the tip of your fingertips. Your child does not understand homonyms? Search it in Google. Your teenager is researching about the prophets of the Old Testament? Aside from Google, YouTube is another source. Creative arts and crafts? Pinterest is a wonderful idea trigger.
Sometimes there is that tricky homework or Science project. You really need to call a friend! Relatives, friends, acquaintances, neighbors, even your older children can help. JUST ASK! It does not have to be you and me against the world.
- Be in the moment.
I put this specific strategy because this is the common mistake (even me!) parents often do. So you decided to sit down and read with your child. Nice.. That’s good. Suddenly, while your child is reading the first page of the storybook, you remembered you have to call and follow-up a certain client for business. You decided to do it immediately after reading. The child is reading the second page and you noticed the time and you didn’t know yet what to cook for dinner. The child is on the third page and you are already uneasy because you have a gazillion things still need to be done! Random thoughts all fired up in your head!
No wonder you are going crazy! You are physically present but mentally absent. It is only 5 pm but your mind is already on the 5:30 pm task that you need to do. The joy of reading with your child was lost. Why are you in a rush when you are helping your child with homework?
Remember, time flies so fast. Enjoy the time while their whole world still revolves with you.
Related post: 10 Advantages of Slowing Down
Now you are in the moment, let me go on to the nitty-gritty.
- When you ask a question to your child, PAUSE. It is important to pause. The reason why you need to pause is because your child is still processing your question. Wait for the answer. Don’t rush. If the answer is not the one you are expecting, clarify or rephrase the question.
- When you read a book with your child, it is essential to ask questions. If there is a word you don’t know the meaning, search it up immediately. When you both look it up, you both learned a new word, the spelling and the contextual meaning.
Go even further by asking your child to use it in a sentence. Even if you only read 5 pages but the quality of reading is at par, it is far better than reading 10 pages just barking the words but no understanding. My point here is showing your child that you are learning too and it is with him or her. Family bonding with learning!
- Listen when a child says something out of the blue. Sometimes the child can relate to the story you are reading and you get an idea of what is in his/her head. Their thoughts can be revealing at times. When your child starts to talk and connect, you can immediately feel, you are at the right place and at the right time. You wouldn’t even dream of being somewhere else at that moment.
- Maintain an open communication with the teacher.
Teachers are caring individuals. They have their strengths and weaknesses but they want what is best for your child. They really do. Make the teacher your team mate for your child’s learning and development.
If there are certain issues along the way, it is much easier to clarify it with the teacher and ask for help. Sometimes you may have questions with homework. With the teacher as your partner in your child’s progress, the struggle diminishes.
- Remind yourself not to be too hard on yourself and the kids.
As a parent, you felt that you have done your best but your child is still struggling. Do not be too hard on yourself and your kid. Every child has their own level of maturity and development. The moment you compare your child with someone else, the worse you will feel.
Other kids can learn quickly, others need one-on-one follow-up. As long as the child is moving forward and getting better, it is good news.
Every child is unique. We learn how to be a better parent as we go along. It will work out on one child, it will not on the other. As long as you make your child feel loved, appreciated and accepted, it will work out just fine. When you are helping your child with homework, say to yourself ” I CAN DO THIS.”
- Celebrate your child’s milestones.
Here is the best part. It was difficult during the struggle. However, the triumph feels great! Your child now can identify and say the sounds of the letters A-Z. Wow, well done!
Your kid can now do simple addition and subtraction without getting confused. Awesome!
Your youngster no longer throws temper tantrum and can now express his/her thoughts with words. How great is that!
ACKNOWLEDGE the efforts and achievements of your child. Tap your shoulder and say to yourself “ Good work!”
What is good about it was, you were there every step of the way with your child. Even if your patience was tested to the limits, you are now upgraded to the next level of parenthood. Another set of dramas with another set of skills to learn. Isn’t it exciting huh?!
My dear reader, may you have a wonderful time with your child. All we have is NOW. Stay safe and healthy. Learning is a lifetime gig.
