I sometimes receive a notification from Facebook what happened on this day two years ago, four years ago and so on like the rest of the world. As parents, we can’t believe how CUTE, how INNOCENT, how YOUNG our children were. Let me add, how skinny we were back then!
Then they grew up right before our very eyes. “How time flies so fast.” So true. You still can’t let go how your precious baby has become a teenager/young adult and has a mind of his/her own. ( wiping a tear on your cheek)
If they are changing, there are also things we need adjusting to as parents and I have 10 on my list.
- Decision-making process becomes a collective bargaining agreement.
Gone are the days when you don’t have to ask them when buying their clothes. I remember buying a t-shirt with a cute dinosaur design. My son loved it. Now, each has their own fashion sense. It is better to be with them and let them decide.
Major decisions involve the family because everything needs to be explained and their opinions matter. Extra-curricular activities and lessons need commitment so they are worth discussing.
Photo by Jaco Pretorius
- Hectic schedules are now a norm for the family.
My friend ( older mum) has to set an appointment if she wants to see all of her children. Her youngsters are doing part-time work while studying in a university.
I felt sad when she told me that. Eventually, I will experience it in the future. It is inevitable. Being responsible early on is good training. However, it comes with a price because each one will have their own availability. Setting a schedule for catching up is necessary because you also have duties to attend to.
Photo by Sonja Langford
- Control of online games
Online games are popular today. The time of “just play with your toys” is gradually becoming out of the routine. Most of the children I could see are holding either a tablet or smart phone to keep them preoccupied.
Free online games take most of the free time during the weekend. As a parent, you need to have house rules to CONTROL their time with it or else it will be the reason for disagreements along the way. It takes persistence to get them out of the house and play outdoors. Without control, children can play video games the whole day!
Photo by Harpal Singh
- Independence
This is truly an advantage for me as the children get older. Before, I have to sit down with the two older boys and teach them how to read and count. Now, I just give them guidance and reminders to keep them on track with their assessments.
House chores become easier because they can clean, cook, vacuum, fold, and wash. Unlike before when they were toddlers, it was ALL YOU.
I am not yet on the stage where I have to teach my son how to drive. However, an older mum told me that after her kids got their driving license, she missed the time when she was still teaching them how to drive. She mentioned that her anxiety starts to kick in every time her youngsters will tell her that they are driving and going out with friends.
You just hope for the best that everything will be alright.
- Learning to let go
You see your children taller than you but you still consider them as your dearest babies. For me, this is the part I need to improve on – letting go.
I have to let them go so that they will have the chance to learn on their own. Safety and security are still paramount on my list. On the other hand, letting them go means they will have to learn from their own mistakes and choices. It is quite heartbreaking when you see your children get frustrated and anxious. It is a part of life. It is an impossibility to protect them always.
Resilience is a life skill they need to get better at to become mature individuals. As my friend used to say, when your teen is already driving his/her own car, learning to let go becomes a continuous struggle because as a parent, you can’t help but WORRY.
Photo by Elijah O’Donell
- A whole new world
You are not their whole world anymore. Parents will have to move over now (just a bit). Friends matter. As a youngster, it is so engaging to chat with somebody who can understand what you are talking about. Some parents are updated with the latest online games or trendy apps. I salute you for being well-informed!
On the other hand, some parents (like me) only have a teeny-weeny idea about the latest craze. I have an idea what the games they are playing because I tried or watched them doing it. The children now will have more time with peers than staying at home. For them, it will be much more fun.
For some parents, hugs and kisses in the family tend to become less. It becomes awkward. I am glad my sons are not yet on the stage of being “embarrassed” hugging and kissing me on the cheek. I hope that day will not come.
- Communication: from teaching to more active listening
When they were toddlers and pre-schoolers, it is an important task to teach them the basics like:
How to hold a spoon
Toilet training
Manners like saying please and thank you
Being safe
And other topics too many to mention…
As they grow older, you still explain to them a lot of things but you tend to listen MORE because they are now dealing with issues they didn’t experience before like:
Being bullied
Trying to understand what the lesson is about
Assessments that need time management to accomplish
How to deal with the opposite sex
Issues with friendship
Developing self-esteem
Listening more to their dilemma enlightens you on what they are going through. Having this knowledge will give you an idea what to say, how to say it and when to do it.
Photo by Francisco Gonzalez
- A new set of issues of the 21st century
Raising a family became more challenging now that our children have easy access to information. Google and YouTube have both advantages and disadvantages. There is information overload of the good, the bad and the funny.
Before, if there is a concern at school, it will stay there or the local area. Now, the issue is in full view for the world to see, sometimes in real-time! They are growing up in a world where their ways of thinking are influenced by what is on the internet.
As parents, we hope that they will have the right judgment to select and filter what to absorb as part of their mindset. We can only give them guidance. It is still up to the teen.
Cyberbullying, issues of safety and security both in person and online, addiction to online games are examples of problems that will evolve. New ones will exist in the future!
- More time to spend with your partner
FROM sleepless nights juggling responsibilities raising small hyperactive children
TO It’s a miracle we have time for each other!
My eldest son went camping for 3 days. Then, the following week, my second son enjoyed his own three days in camp. Those two consecutive weeks were a glimpse to the future when it will only be my husband and me in the house.
Even if there were still two boyswith us during dinner, the house was quieter than before. The house was not the same.
I asked my husband “What will we do when all the boys live independently and we are just the only ones in the house?”
My husband said, “I could finally do some woodwork at the back of the house with all my tools OR we could travel!”
It dawned on me that we will have more time with each other as husband and wife the older the children got. I want to grow old with my husband (just like the song!).We are not a perfect couple but his patience with my idiosyncrasies is worth acknowledging.
When your children see that there is still love, respect and commitment between the two of you then you are transforming to be the best example YOU WANT YOUR CHILDREN TO BE.
Photo by Anthony Tran
- Asking for help is essential.
It can be overwhelming being a parent. Sometimes, you feel you are pushed to the wall and cornered with all the tasks you have to do. When the children are young, the stress is physical. When they get older, the stress becomes mental.
Asking a trustworthy person his/her point of view opens your mind to another option especially when circumstances become confusing.
YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO? ASK. REFLECT. READ.PRAY.
There are people who are more mature and more experienced than you who can give their piece of mind. As a parent, you can select which of their bits of wisdom apply to you and your family. Don’t assume that even if you are already in your 30s or 40s and even 50s you know how to handle each challenge.
I was talking on the phone with a friend and she suggested to pray for revelation, wisdom and understanding.
Photo by Ty Williams
Being a parent is like pursuing sainthood. All your virtues will be tested to the maximum. – Shirin
Photo by Ravi Roshan
Take it one day at a time. Older mothers reveal to me that they are still learning and adjusting especially now they are taking care of their grandchildren.
Lessons are discovered during the struggle. Don’t forget to be kind to yourself! Tap yourself on the shoulder. We can do this! AMEN!
You’re right about it all. As parents to 2 teenagers, what I am most surprised about is that no matter how old they get and no matter how our relationship changes is how much they continue to need us equally but just in new and different ways. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for reading and commenting. The keyword that struck me in your comment is the word need.Yes,the way they need us will evolve.