How to Cope when you miss someone

There are instances when you see an object like a picture,

smell a familiar aroma,

hear a song,

taste a particular food or

touch an item like a soft blanket made you MISS SOMEONE SO MUCH.  Time stood still and tears rolled down your cheeks.

It was just an ordinary day doing your normal routine at home then it HIT YOU- BAM, right on your chest. You thought you were already capable of managing your emotions. Oh no. You realized you were wrong.

Years have passed. Then an item suddenly TRIGGERED something inside you. You burst into tears.

It is quite depressing when the person you suddenly remembered had already passed away. It is impossible to see him/her in person. There is nothing you can do but reminisce the memories you had together. You may

smile

cry

laugh

be annoyed with yourself especially if there were words left unsaid.

Each person copes differently when they miss someone they love.

  1. Cry and Grieve.

Some people take time to recover from a loss of a loved one. When they are caught in the moment of heartache, they give in.  Crying may not change what already has taken place but it is a good release of painful thoughts. Crying is one way of healing.

  1. Visit the cemetery with a loved one.

One approach of letting go and accepting the fact is a visit to the cemetery.  Looking at the tombstone is a reminder that the loved one is already gone and is in a better place. Lighting a candle, giving flowers and saying a prayer with family/friends are ways of showing we remember and we love them.

Photo by David Monje

one lighted candle in the dark
May you rest in peace.
  1. Do an activity which they did together when the person was still alive.

This is a make or break option. Let us say what they did together was go for a walk at the beach. The person may feel good (memories shared) or unhappy about it (can’t do it again with him/her). 

  1. Go out with family or friends.

When you feel that sadness is creeping in on you, then one choice is to go out with family or friends. Talking with a trustworthy person and having a drink at the same time release your inhibitions. The atmosphere is conducive to an honest and open communication. Whatever is bothering you at the moment is heard and another person’s point of view may change your day for the better.

Photo by Greg Raines

Two women on top of a car
Thank you for being here. I feel so much better.
  1. Pray in the church.

November 1 is All Saints Day which is a special day for Catholics. Most Catholics go to church to pray for the souls of the departed. Sometimes, missing someone takes away the belief that everything will be okay. Praying strengthens our faith that everything will be alright.  The song of Don Moen sums it up – God will make a way.

  1. Be busy with an activity that makes you happy. Divert your thinking.

Other people are good at diverting their thinking when they miss someone they love. Instead  of moping around, they will rather:

  1. Watch a show that entertains them.
  2. Improve their garden.
  3. Shop until they drop
  4. Eat out.
  5. Enjoy nature.
  6. Walk with a pet.
  7. Sing until their voice becomes hoarse.
  8. Dance like mad.
  9. Cook as if they are feeding a hundred guests.
  10. Write their thoughts.
  11. Renovate the house.
  12. Travel to a place they have never been.
  13. Read an inspirational book.
  14. Listen to a motivational speaker.
  15. Create something like art.

Photo by Vincent van Zalinge

lady bug
Appreciating the beauty of nature
  1. Enjoy the company of loved ones who are still alive.

Other folks redirect their emotions to the people surrounding them. They will make time, especially with the older family members. They will try to catch up for the lost time. It is a wake-up call for them to say their I LOVE YOUs.

Photo by Nathália Bariani

two elderly persons sitting on a bench
Do you still remember the good old days when we…?
  1. Time to reinvent oneself for the better.

Missing someone you love stirs in you the will to improve yourself.  One thing that you CAN DO is create a NEW YOU. New look ranges from losing weight, new hair color or hairstyle or change of attire. It could also be personal development like studying a new course or changing your attitude.

Photo by Miriam Miles

tortoise
No matter how slow, keep moving forward.
  1. Help someone.

Rather than focus on their own melancholy, some individuals go out and help other people who are experiencing worse. It gives them satisfaction to be of service. At the end of the day, when they suddenly feel again a pang of emptiness due to someone’s absence, there is instant joy filling their hearts because they were able to make a difference in someone’s life.

Photo by Larm Rmah 

happy children
Happy even if they do not have enough
  1. Opening oneself to opportunities to love again

It is devastating to miss the presence of the love of your life. Some were able to cope alone while others found love again. Their hearts are overflowing with love so you see them happy with someone new.

It is normal to be sad when we miss someone. For me, the feeling of unhappiness should be acknowledged. Sadness runs deep, especially if there were issues left unsettled with the person who passed away. Being consumed with regrets will do you no good.

Make time for grieving and weeping if you have to. Then, move on. Move on until you can laugh again.

It must not be a reason to be miserable all the time. There are still people around you who need your love. That is the good news.

Give more hugs and kisses to the people who matter to you. Express more love and appreciation to family and friends. All of us do not know when our time is up.

Focus on the present. You are alive  which means you have TIME to

Love

Celebrate

Sparkle

NOW.

So when Death comes knocking at your door,  your ABSENCE will be truly felt by family, friends, co-workers and even acquaintances. You are a person worth MISSING SO MUCH.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What are the 10 Lessons Learned in a Funeral? Are you ready?

cemetery

Attending a funeral is personal and emotional. Experiencing it in Australia gave me 10 lessons worth pondering about. It was a wakeup call for me.

  1. Friends come and go.

The woman delivered a touching eulogy about our family friend about how they met and became friends. She was calm and composed. To my surprise, she took a seat near me, covered her face with her hands and silently wept. I felt her pain.  The sadness is intensified when a friend who loved you for 25 years passed away. I have known Nanay Lena ( Mother Lena)  for more than 4 years but I had a heavy heart during the funeral. She was our second mother here in Australia.

  1. Your own funeral shows how much you have loved in your lifetime.

It was my first time to attend a funeral in Australia. I was amazed to see a lot of people who came to pay their last respects. It looked like a multicultural gathering. The chapel was fully packed and there were people standing outside. Love given is much appreciated across cultures.

two hands reaching a rose
Just be there.
  1. People will find the time or make time for someone they consider important.

The funeral was a weekday. The attendees could have been working on their day jobs or attending meetings or handling transactions. No. All of us were there.

  1. The unity and support of family and friends are essential.

Dying overseas has a disadvantage. The relatives can’t attend the funeral especially if the country where you came from is far away. Migrants who live with relatives are fortunate. In times of grief, the emotional burden becomes bearable when there are available family and friends offering assistance.

  1. Observing a funeral makes you think about your own death.

Death is certain. It will come to all of us. Questions will start pouring out. What will I choose: cremation or burial? Am I ready to die? What will happen to my family if I die young? Are my finances sorted out when I die? Sad to say, I am not prepared. I should be.

watch
Time is up!
  1. You will never know when your time is up.

I am turning 40 next year and I am thankful I reached my late 30s. My childhood friend died of leukemia at age 7. My grandmother (mother’ side) died of cancer at age 43. Our college school mate gave me a doughnut before his tragic car accident.He passed away at age 21. My grandparents (father’s side) lived up to their early 80s.

A funeral gives you a subtle reminder that you will never know when your time is up. Better LIVE your life to the fullest!

  1. Crying is the best way to release your pent-up emotions during a funeral.

The request of Nanay Lena before she died was no one should cry at her funeral. I admit. I couldn’t do it. My other friend and I hugged the bereaved daughter and sobbed our hearts out. I tried not to cry but tears kept rolling on my cheeks.

Crying for me is one way of:

  1. coping or accepting the fact
  2. gathering the strength to move on with life without her.
a family friend and my son
She bought a cake for my son during the time we couldn’t afford to buy an expensive cake.
  1. Appreciate the presence of a loved one while they are still alive.

Looking back, I am pleased I found time to attend all the get-together parties my friend had set up. Nanay Lena was the coordinator that connected us all. She attended the last ladies night out I hosted at home. Even if she was not feeling well, she took the time to mingle with my new-found friends. Catching up with friends is a great way to strengthen the bond of friendship. Time is NOT wasted when we enjoy each other’s company with laughter and drama.

I am glad my family and I took the time to visit her in the hospital or called her on special occasions. If I didn’t, it could have been one of my regrets.

  1. Money and emotional stability are needed for the funeral services and reception.

Funeral insurance seems a good idea. I should get my act together and start planning for this. Cremation or burial services are not cheap.

Losing a loved one is tough. Grieving for the loss but still have to do the paper work and make phone calls force you to control your emotions and have the utmost presence of mind. Though it was a difficult time, the bereaved spouse and daughter were brave to go through it all.

  1. The reception after the funeral made me realize that whatever you did in your lifetime, it will come back to you even after death.

Nanay Lena was an excellent cook. She cooked for me when I hosted parties or shared a dish worth drooling for. She even invited us when she had some special food prepared.

During the reception, there were two long tables filled with different types of food all shared by the attendees of the funeral. The home cooked dishes were their best recipes and all had a good meal. As if my friend was there overlooking the get-together of friends just like the good old days.

 

pug on a floor
Missing you

In addition, I miss her especially when Facebook shows the photos of the good times we had when she was still with us. I forced back the tears because I saw those photos while riding a bus. My seatmates might think I was going crazy.

Overall, let us make an effort not to take family and friends for granted. It is so easy to say ” I am busy now.” Do not create a lingering regret in the future that is difficult to live with.  LOVE while we still have the TIME. Are you ready?

Share this article with someone who needs a WAKEUP CALL.