As a mum, you sometimes catch yourself staring into space, tears kept rolling down your face. You told yourself, I am tired of being strong. This is too much for me. You don’t understand your emotions anymore. Sob. Sob. And more weeping. You are now in the moment when you just feel like CRYING.
There are countless reasons why you are angry, frustrated, sad, anxious and tired. No matter how you try to reason out with yourself with common positive self-talk:
You can get through this.
It is just temporary.
You can overcome this.
Still, after all those affirmations, you end up CRYING.
Alarm bells will be heard around the household when they see their MUM weeping. Every family member is worried. Mum, the multitasker, the tough one that balances home and work, the troubleshooter of all sorts of problems of the family is WEEPING. Oh-uh. Something is terribly wrong. Even a toddler will feel your pain and may even hug you even though the child doesn’t understand what is going on.
It feels good when there is a trusted loved one who is available to comfort you during this time of struggle. However, what if you are alone? This is when the mums become different. The object that you grab or hold on to while you are crying causes the difference.
When you feel that the issue at hand is beyond your control, you might get:
Box of tissues – Ah, the classic box of tissues which is an alternative to the handkerchief. The latter is an extra part of the laundry but the former is just a throwaway in the bin. Tissues are way better. Blowing your nose until it becomes red, swollen eyelids and red eyes from non-stop crying, tissues are the silent witnesses to your dilemma.
Photo by Jeremy Wong
Pillow – The pillow is the partner of the tissues because most of the time, the whining is usually done on the bed. Because no one is there to judge you, the cushion becomes the shock absorber of your tight hugs, punches and screams. Screaming on the pillow is a good free therapy.
Photo by elizabeth lies
Comfort food – My last blog discussed FOOD cravings. You might suddenly have the irresistible urge to grab an ice cream, cake, chocolate, salty food, savory food and other junk food that you can shove in your mouth.
Photo by Patrick Fore
I just hope you feel good afterward. This is also one of the reasons why most middle-age mums are overweight (including me). The food becomes the friend.
Alcoholic drink – For other mums, a drink makes them feel bolder while drowning in their own misery. All I can say is drink responsibly. You need healthy organs.
Remote control – Other mums do not want the silence in the room so they get hold of a remote control to watch something on TV or a movie. Even if the movie is not heavy drama, you still cry because a spoken word or a part of the movie is related to what’s going on in your life.
Photo by Jens Kreuter
Smartphone – The smartphone has various uses for the person who has a problem.
Photo by Rami Al-zayat
- You can cry while listening to your uplifting songs, depressing songs, rock and roll songs, heavy metal or alternative music depending upon your state of mind.
- You can have a video chat with someone miles away while crying your heart out.
- You can call a trustworthy person who will patiently listen to you or not.
- Listen or watch a video on YouTube just to make you feel better.
- Listen to a podcast or news just to divert your unhappy mind.
Sacred item – A mother who is going through a crisis takes a religious item to say a prayer for strength and guidance. It could be a Bible, a rosary and a prayer book.
Photo by Ben White
Paper and pen – There are countless swear words you want to say over and over while you are crying but for other mums, they prefer it in written form. They will start writing about their feelings or what they want to say to someone without offending anybody as long as that paper is burned or shredded.
Photo by Helloquence
I tried this once. I read what I wrote the next day. It gave me a perspective on what was going on in my mind. It was as if I was reading another person’s letter. I made sure no one read it because I burned it.
A glass of water – You can’t breathe anymore in the middle of your sobs so you seize a glass of water for rehydration. A half an hour of weeping is exhausting and drinking water is a must or else you get dehydrated. After a long session of crying, it feels like you went on a hike.
Cleaning tools – Crying out of frustration is put to good use by scrubbing away the dirt in the kitchen, the bathroom, the toilet. The good news is after you finished crying, the house is immaculately clean!
Photo by Lucas Pimenta
Knife – Don’t get me wrong. I am talking about cutting the ingredients for cooking. Vent your despair by chopping, mincing and slicing the meat and vegetables on the chopping boards. Good thing, the ingredients don’t have feelings. Moreover, there is already a dinner for the family.
Photo by Mike Petrucci
Sewing or knitting materials – At the end of your weeping, a creation is made like a blanket or a dress. Your hands were so busy that you didn’t realize you produced a masterpiece. Sometimes, the mind is busy thinking that you stop crying without knowing it.
Pet – The ever loyal pet dog or cat is by your side when no humans are around. Patting their fur while a tsunami of doubts and fears in your mind create a calming effect.
Photo by Jacob Ufkes
Photo by Chris Abney
I have nothing against crying. It feels good to release the pent-up emotions. It is challenging being a mum but I wouldn’t exchange my place with someone else’s.
After you STOP CRYING is a game changer because you might be thinking of a plan. What are you going to do afterward? Mums may either:
- Do nothing about it because why bother when you cannot change it?
- Determined to work things out no matter what and try other options.
- Feel you are the victim of the situation and cry repeatedly.
- Change the way you think and how you feel about it because life is too short to be miserable.
If you feel that you cry more often than before then I suggest you seek help from a trustworthy family, friend or a psychologist.
Whatever you are going through now, I just hope and pray that you will surpass it and come out of it stronger and wiser. Do not be too hard on yourself. Do not bully yourself by being your worst critic. Cry and move on my dear reader. It is SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALIDOCIOUS to be alive! it just means terrific.